Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
