He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
