two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
