Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
