girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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