I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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