she was so not down for the gang bang
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
