apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
