My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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