I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
