I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize