He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
