Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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