i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
