I cannot find my penis.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
