Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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