this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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