On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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