Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
