I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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