I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
