just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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