I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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