Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
