Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
