Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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