I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
