dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
