please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
