Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
