I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
