worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The ass gains better be worth it
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