Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
