Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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