she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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