im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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