Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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