I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
