I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
