hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
