finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
