I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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