Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
