somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
