Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
