wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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