He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
