I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
