I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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