true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
