two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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