I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
